Saturday, October 11, 2008

Dates with dad

     Paul took both the girls on dates Friday.  He had to be gone for the weekend, so he wanted to make sure they have some special time with him.  SO Sweet!!  I have no idea what he and Gracie talked about.  I am sure it had something to do with Vera Bradley bags and the color and styles she prefers, when she might get one, how much money she has saved toward one, when she might get one, the Vera Bradley website, whether or not she should get a purse or a backpack, the store at The Greene that carries them and when she might be able to go there to get her Vera Bradley bag.  Gracie is very deep.

     Shelby on the other came home and started googling the Rosetta Stone.  She wanted to know how to download it.  I told her she could just access it through our library.

     We had tried the Rosetta Stone last year but I needed a tutor.  I tried to read the directions.  I am a visual learner but I am also a kinestic learner.  I needed a live human with a masters degree in the Rosetta Stone to sit with me and walk me through how to use it.  Our third day online with it dragged on for 45 minutes repeating the same words over and over and over and over.  I couldn't get it to stop.  I don't deal well with anything repetitive.  To this day, if I hear the word perro (dog in spanish).  My head starts ticking and I start barking.

     She told me that on her date, she and her dad had discussed her career (never did learn what that career was) and that she needed to learn Spanish.  When she had mastered Spanish, because that will only take like 3 weeks, she's going to move onto Chinese... because that will be really good for her career.  

    With Shelby, sometimes it's better not to ask.  She desperately needs to be in theater because right now, the world is her stage.  She instantly and deeply dives into roles or ideas.  And, if you entertain her words and thoughts, it just gets bigger.  Paul plays along.  I do not.


    Shelby has great talks with her dad.   He's the one who took her out to talk about the birds and the bees.  Why didn't her mother do it??  Because 1) I didn't want to 2)  I can't handle that kind of talk with  a ten year old.  It's way too much for me.  and 3) I do all the other teaching around here.  The principal, he gets to teach the tough stuff!

     When they went out for "the talk", she got all dressed up like she was going out on a big date.  They went to a restaurant, a bit of a pricey one at that.  Of course, she had planned the whole thing.  She even inititated the talk.  She kept saying, "I really need to know what sex is."  Of course, every time she said it, I cringed.  I had a stomachache the whole time they were gone.  I am so weird.

     Thursday, Shelby was sitting in our dining room doing school work and she said, "Mom, when you guys came home from China, I cried a lot at night for about a week.  And, I cried last night.  I think it's just my hormones."

     My ears perked up and I said, "How do you know about hormones?

    She said, "Well, the other day when we were watching a movie this man said, 'It's probably just her hormones.'  So, I asked dad, "what are hormones."

    Dad said,  "They make women cry or become emotional."  He also said, "Sometimes after woman have babies,  it makes them volatile .  After mommy had you guys, sometimes I was afraid to come home because I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into.  


     She thought that was funny.

    " So, I don't know why I was crying, it was probably just my hormones."

Well then......

        I had a great conversation with my Father yesterday too, not the one that lives on earth.  This was my Father, who lives in heaven, God.  The strange thing is.... his voice sounded an awful lot like my friend's, Cheryl.

      I have a relationship with God.  I spend a lot of time talking to him and he talks to me.  I have never heard his voice audibly but when I am struggling with something I pray about it.  Often times, I hear answers through reading His word.  Sometimes I hear answers in my thoughts.  When I have a thought that I know is not my own or I couldn't have come up with on my own, I know it's God.  God also uses other people to deliver messages.

     That's what happened yesterday.

     See, I am really struggling with Emme's sleeping at night.  She wakes up a lot.  And, while I love her to pieces and this IS what I signed up for AND I wouldn't change having her for the world... it does not negates the fact that I AM TIRED!!  Really tired!  So tired I keep getting sick.  I mean she is 13 months old and she is getting up 3 times during the night.  She eats every time.  I know she is severely malnourished, but can she still be THAT hungry?  Am I just creating bad habits?

     Thursday I thought I'm just going to let her cry it out.  I mean all her needs are being met.  She is fed A LOT.  She gets so much love and attention she is practically mauled to death.  Sometimes I have to yell "Put her down! "  Isn't she learning to trust because all her needs are being met?

      Now, before you call Children's Services on me.  I only let her cry for about 5 minutes.  Then, I'd go in and pick her up and tell her that we love her, that we are not going anywhere and that she is ok, that she's stuck with us for life, etc...  For nap time, she cried about 20 minutes and then she went to sleep.  During the night, after I fed her and loved her, I laid her down and let her cry.

     In the morning, I was praying about it.  I was asking God to give me wisdom. He has to give to me ya know.  James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."   

     I mean, I let my other children cry.  Shouldn't I treat her the same?

    That's when the phone rang and God was on the other end.  Only, like I said earlier, he sounded just like Cheryl.  

     Cheryl has 3 girls and 2 are from China.  She called specifically because she reads my blog and she knew Emme was still having difficulty sleeping.  We talked for awhile and she said that building that trust and bonding right now is really important.  She said to wait for awhile to make her cry it out.  She also wanted to tell me that she was bringing me two different things she thought she'd enjoy sleeping with- a silky blanket and a terry cloth towel.  I guess in China a lot of the babies are given towels.  Babies seem to enjoy tactile things.

     Duh, that makes sense.  My own children loved having something like that around their face when they slept.  As a matter of fact, to this day if Jackson finds Mr. Bear, half bear, half blanket (scary), he will sleep with that raggedy looking thing.  I think I have been to tired and too out of practice to think about anything but my sleep.  Selfish!!

     Last night, Emme went to sleep, with me laying beside her, clutching her pink Satin blanket.  She still woke up twice during the night. But I had to wake her at 8:20 this morning because we had soccer games.

     Thanks God.....  Cheryl!!!!!!!! 




Pam said...

I know it's so tough when your sleep is interupted. Someone once told me that an adopted child needs to have you come to them at night or when hurt an average 100-300 times before they can really trust you. So each time it happens remember it's like money building up in the trust bank :)

love, Pam

darja said...

aww i love it!

Sharla said...

Hi April! I love this honest but you still haven't lost your since of humor! Thanks for the laughter and the tears... adoption is exhausting... emotionally and physically!

I love what your friend Pam said...100-300 times before they trust you...I just have one stock in band-aids...I put band-aids on bruises and scratches I can't even see! I guess that's better than waking up 3 times a night though!

Friend, I think we both have a LONG way to go!

Sending Big Hugs,