Monday, October 13, 2008

Do you have any answers??

     This sign was in a restroom in an American restaurant.  There would be no need for this sign in many public restrooms in China.

     Please.... read on.

     Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you.... The Squatty Potty!!!

     There are a couple of things I have been wondering about lately... because I have nothing else to do!   Seriously, as if I am ever going to be given a good answer.

     First of all, why on earth are there squatty potties in China?  I can't believe I never talked about this when I was actually IN China.  I think it's because it was too embarrassing to talk about while I was there.  Why?  Because I didn't want anyone getting any visuals!  So, if you are going to need a visual, visualize yourself.  

       Anyway, there is no way on God's green earth that this is a sanitary way to use the restroom.  And, since there is no good way to really say it, I am just going to say it.  IT splatters everywhere.  Especially if you've waited and waited and waited to go, so as to avoid the squatty potty.  The more you have to go the more it splatters.  So, the restrooms really stink.  And, it's bad enough when it's your own urine, but then to know you are walking through other people's urine...GAG!!

     Why am I thinking about this?  Because before I went to China, I bought these little single tiny rolls of toilet paper.  Apparently, in China, if you squat, there is no need for toilet paper.   I would strongly disagree.  I was privy to the fact that there is no toilet paper in the restrooms that house squatty potties.  So, I prepared myself and spent 3 dollars on about 75 squares of toilet paper (3 rolls- 25 squares per roll@ $1.00/roll).  Actually, I really wasted $3 because I have seen these little rolls surface over the last couple of days.  They serve to remind me that never one time did I have these squares of tissue with me when they were needed.  BECAUSE WHO THINKS OF CARRYING TOILET PAPER WITH THEM WHEREVER THEY GO??

     Yeah, I know you can put 2 and 2 together.  Gross!  So, see there is advantages to having bad plumbing problems on the other end.  If someone would give me $1,000,000, I could never do a #2 in the squatties!!


     Why are Vera Bradley bags/purses, etc... a) popular  b)popular among young people  and c) so darn expensive??

     I think Vera Bradley bags have been around for a long time.  You know why I think that??  Because, when I was young, like Gracie or young like in High School or young like in college, I saw Vera Bradley bags.  Guess who I thought they were for?  90 year old women!!!  I mean don't old grannies like quilts that are made into bags??  And, for the love of Pete, who all a sudden decided these were cool??

     I just can't believe it!  And, I just can't believe that I let my 7 year old daughter walk into a store and spend $84, $89 including tax on a backpack. (For those of you who support our ministry, please know that your gracious monetary gifts to us were not used in the purchase of this product.  It was all saved by her.  It's pretty easy when Grandma pays big bucks for watering a few flowers when she goes on vacation.  I have wanted to beat my children up for this job!)  But, know this, she thinks she is all that and a bag of chips with that new backpack.  She has been strutting around this neighborhood like a proud peacock.  I'd hate to think what she'd need if she WENT to school!

     Oh, also, "It was a really good deal mom because I did get a free ticket to see High School Musical 3."

     In the store where her bag was purchased, they gave away one ticket to High School Musical 3 if  $75 or more was spent .  They've even roped me in there.  I can't very well drop her off to see it by herself.  Hasn't HS Musical hasn't made enough money?   Did this really need to be in theaters?  And, the biggest question of all, why am I so excited to see it????  I love HS Musical!! Don't tell my girls!  How old am I???  

     Gracie's face upon hearing the news that there is an extra incentive to drop that much money.  Look at Emme's face.  I think if she could talk she would say, "What??  Do you have know how much my people could eat for that kind of money??  Look at me!  I practically starved to death!!"

     Decisions, decisions. decisions.
       Gracie is the proud owner of the Granny Pack... I mean, backpack!

     My final question is:  Who created bumper stickers?  I really hate bumper stickers because I don't understand them.  Why are they necessary??  But, if you are going to have a bumper sticker, my goodness, can you not afford a real one??  I really did see this tonight in the parking lot of a store.  Lord have mercy!!  It is a piece of paper TAPED on the back of a car.  Clearly, this person has serious issues with casinos.  


Gina said...

You are cracking me up! I do not understand the Vera Bradley bags either. I thought I must be really uncool because I was the only one who didn't think that spending $100 on a bag made from a quilt was worth it.

I am not even going to comment on the squatty potty. Oh and I didn't comment last time but that hormones story. That is SO shelby! =)

Love ya!

gnangle04 said...

Well, I can't say much.... I succumbed to the VB bag last week. Idiot!! I use to hate them. I only wish I loved it as much as Gracie does.... then it would have been money well spent. Oh well.

I'm really hoping the squatties are inside a stall, or there would be no dignity. I'm also wondering if I'll be able to look at you the same. You know how visual I am. (:


Kristy said...

Apparently they have lost all of their money at the casino and therefore, cannot afford to buy a REAL bumper sticker warning others to stay away from said casinos. I have seriously laughed at that until I have tears rolling down my face!!!

Abby said...

You are like my comic relief every night. I just love the way you write and I excitedly(loser, I know) dash to see what you've blogged about most recently. Of course, I'm especially partial to your opinion comments and most importantly, any new news and stories about Shelby and Gracie. I bet that Shelby knows more about the birds and the bees than I do. And if she doesn't, I'd probably still believe anything that girl said.

Tony and Rett said...

Um, hello random!

Hehe, love it!

Jodi said...

Squatty Potty humor! You are so funny! I would have to catheterize (sp?) myself! I have issues with my husband and boys ringing a large toilet bowl. I would loose my mind! I would take an outhouse any day of the week! I don't get the Squatty Potty or Vera B! I have friends that are big fans of the stuff and I have never gotten into it. First off expensive, and second - my granny would have dug it! I think it is just a fad! Whatever makes people happy! You made me laugh today. Thanks for the chuckle!

darja said...

okay april, i wrote about you in my blog, so i figure i should let you read it.